I wish he could be here to share hunting stories with Ben, and talk computers with Mike. Sarah married a man named Jon, who is so much like her father that I know they would have enjoyed each other’s company. I wish Michael could hear the incredible music that our daughter Stephanie and her husband Andrew make together, and I wish he could play with the grandchildren they have given me. 

Michael and I had a verbal agreement that we would stay married for eighty years, and then we would allow the other to reconsider. In actuality we were married two weeks shy of twenty-four years.

In all this musing I’m reminded that things change, people change, and life brings more changes than I could have ever imagined. I’m not the same person I was ten years ago when Michael was killed. But would I want to be? While I have grown in skills and in abilities, most importantly, I’ve grown spiritually. I have learned to look to God during my darkest days and longest nights. I am not afraid of facing tomorrow without Michael, because God is carrying me through this journey called widowhood.

So yes, this date does bring memories and musings. But it also brings an attitude of thanksgiving that comes from going through the depths of grief while knowing that I am being carried by The Almighty!